The Fall of House of Cards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like most people I had heard the phrase “House of Cards” but never quite comprehended the abyss of this phrase before now. Eight months back my company was ramping and gearing up for an unprecedented growth. There were record backlogs and business was growing at a pace so fast that it almost looked too good to be true. Shares of my company reached at an all time high. Then came the infamous credit crunch and if that was not enough to deeply bruise this industry President Obama made sure that the Business Jet industry is killed. It is so ironical that a visionary leader like him could not look beyond petty politics and see the impact his stand will have on this industry. General Aviation is one of the last few all American Industries left in USA and Obama is killing it in the name of progress and equality. The reasons for the fall can be debated but what has left me flabbergasted is the pace at which this fall took place. From 13,000 workforce last October it is coming down to 2300-2600 this July and that is unfathomable, quite like the growth. Last year around this time we were overwhelmed by the unprecedented growth and this year we are overwhelmed by the unprecedented fall. This is an experience I am faced quite early on in my career and this is making me even more cautious. With god's grace and my parents blessings I still have a good job, will still pursue my PhD and also got very well compensated for leaving this company. I love VLP, companies pay you to leave them but it is good only till you have an alternative.

I have this gut wrenching feeling looking around me and hearing the stories. There are immigrants who will be forced to go back to India because their visa is expiring. There are people who are forced to make the arduous decision of uprooting from their home towns and move to a new land, an uncertain life. There are families where kids are just born and they will be loosing their medical insurance. People will loose homes and everything is just so hard. Media makes such a big fuss about Detroit, they should visit Wichita now. I have been reading these stories for months now but it really effects you personally when you see it so closely. I thank god every second for blessing me but at the same time can't stop feeling lugubrious for the people whom this is effecting. What effect can the fall of house of cards have is what has left me in complete shock. All my life I have seen my parents saving and spending only within limits. I was taught to spend within my limits and somehow that concept is so deep rooted in me that the American Capitalism always made me uncomfortable. I use to always wonder that how are all these people able to live the life they were living and for me it was always important to have savings before I spend. I was never a huge fan of credit card spending infact I only have 1 card which I use rarely. Not a very American thing but my Indian upbringing is what has served me well. This experience has affirmed my believe that anything that sounds too good to be true is indeed too good to be true. This is not the end of American capitalism but I am hoping that it is the fall of house of cards. The effect that a fall of house of cards has on people's life is far more gut wrenching than the ephemeral boon.

Fake

Fake people, fake emotion infact everything fake is so exasperating. I had met fake people in life but always managed to keep them at an arms distance but now I am forced to be around fake people. I have always been able to only respect people who have earned it and just because somebody is elder and I am supposed to “respect” concept never worked with me. I have never shown disrespect but also made sure that I keep them at arms distance. This philosophy has served me well all these years so why should I change it now. Should I also “fake” respect? I have ruminated over this for months now and I think I have finally been able to get the answer I was searching for. Fake is bad and there is no justification for anybody to be fake. I don't need to fake anything and all my life I have never cared about people's opinion and the one's that really matter don't judge. Unconditional support and love in any relationship is hard to achieve but the one where we can are the only relationships that are worth caring for and for the rest... who cares!

.......................

When I was small I use to dream big and believed that if I have determination and worked hard I will get there. With age, the daunting reality of life hits. I still believe that if I have determination and if I work hard I will reach there but I am also aware of the constraints and how hard it is but with each stumbling stone my determination and dream grows. Now I know that it is not just about having the right skills, brains, hardwork but also the right cards. I have always believed in playing the cards that I am handed to the best of my capability and not crib about circumstances. Testing times are important; they test the strength of my character and determination. But all said, at times these testing times also shake us to core, our believes and sometimes even faith. Standing alone at the crossroads I question myself, which way to go. I know the answer, I know which way I am going to go but I am just hoping for a miracle, just one. I have never believed in miracles so from inside I am not that hopeful. I have been tested lot of times but as I grow older, tests are getting tougher. I am not a quitter is all I keep telling myself. Life is not always fair but I do believe that there is a better tomorrow waiting after every dark night. It is that hope that keeps me going, that hope of tomorrow, that dream that becomes even more strong and real with every stumbling stone. I just keep telling myself…

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
-Robert Frost.

Satyam: One Big Jhooth

Few weeks back I read that World Bank has banned Satyam for 8years because Satyam had installed some spy softwares on workstations inside tha banks Washington headquaters. I was surprised and thought that how can a company like Satyam do something so unscrupulous. Hindsight I can comprehend now how they as a company could do that, as that was nothing compared to what that company has been cooking for years.

I know of a fresh graduate who got thru campus interview in satyam and when she heard of Satyam scandal, she knew that the much-awaited joining letter was never going to arrive. I know my seniors who have worked at Satyam for 7-8 years and are now wondering what will happen to them. They have given their best, worked very hard and lot of times even sacrificed their personnel life and happiness for the sake of company. They did not do anything unique as we all do that but what their boss did in return is abysmal. Its not just people directly effected who are traumatized but Satyam news has left most Indians flabbergasted. The largest corporate scam in the history of India; I have read endless news related to this issue. Everytime I see Ramalinga Raju’s picture I am outraged and wonder what is going through this man’s crooked mind. His quote, “It was like riding a tiger, not knowing how to get off without being eaten” completely threw me off and made me abhor him thinking this man is too self-obsessed to think about anything or anybody around him. Was he doing all this for money and power or just for kick? It must be a different kind of high knowing how much power and cachet he enjoyed. I have wondered innumerable times that does that man feel any remorse for what he has done? Then I wonder, is he rueful because his house of cards fell apart or because he is loosing all his money or that, he will be remembered as con and rogue instead of an extremely successful entrepreneur and leader? Has he ever felt contrite for obliterating the lives of so many families? I am sure I am not the only one who is wondering all this.

Raju and his coconspirators played with the lives of satyam’s 50,000 employees and in turn their family members. What makes me most angry is the fact that the auditing company whose job was to stop the fraud were party to all this. It is startling how synchronized were their efforts to deceive and bamboozle people. Was there not a single person who could stand up and protest all this chaos? We all are ambitious but I do not think most of us can cheat and play with the lives of so many people. Was Raju really convinced that he could get away with a fraud of this enormity? Was everybody involved in this living in denial that they thought they could get away with all this? Even if all these people are send to jail, it will never solve the mess this situation has created in the lives of so many people.

When satyam says it will not pay its employees salary for 2months is it even thinking of the consequences? How can any family survive without pay for 2 months and what are they supposed to do? Infosys or other IT companies cannot all of a sudden hire 50,000 or even a fraction of Satyam's employees, not atleast in these uncertain financial environments. Economy all over the world is contracting and it seems like times that are more difficult lie ahead of us.

Therefore, what should be done with criminals of this sort who not only cheat but because of their actions lives of endless people are ruined? Sometimes I wonder that are we too laid back as a nation, we are outraged with anger when terrorists bomb blast in Mumbai but within few days we are back to normal. We will hear about Satyam for few days and then forget it and the rest of us will get used to the fact that this also happened and leave those affected to fight and live or die through their struggle. I am angry and outraged but I will most certainly not do anything about the situation like most of us. I will fight for my own survival in these uncertain times and leave the rest to god and our judiciary, which very well might pronounce some sentence to him. Raju and his coconspirators will appeal and then they will be bailed out and their case will continue for 10yrs in our judiciary and some day he might actually go to jail.

Who is planning to help those affected? I read that government may bail Satyam out of this mess. If government bails Satyam out and Satyam somehow sails through this crisis then what role will government plays in Satyam’s future. Will the size of the company shrink? How much of its work force will be reduced? Most importantly, if government bails out Satyam then it will be the taxpayers of India who save Satyam. Before spending so much taxpayer money on a tarnished company government should think if it is worth. Can Satyam retain its customers and compete with giants like Infosys and TCS to draw new customers. Should government provide incentives to other companies to hire Satyam employees? Whatever may turn out in the end their will be still many nameless faces who in reality will pay the price of this con, marriages will break, people will struggle to earn basics, and many criminals will be born because of this muddle. The bottom line always is that the common man is the only one who actually pays the price.

At times, my elitism irritates me; sitting in my comfortable couch, centrally heated apartment in America drinking my evening tea I am outraged and all I am doing is writing a blog and I want to convince myself that I am indeed outraged. Maybe we have redefined the word outrage and it is because of people like us that hooligans like Raju, Madoff have the nerve to play with the lives of so many people. After all, we all are herd of sheep and cow who never actually get “outraged.” As a society, we have become so self indulgent and selfish that we never do anything until it affects us and even then, we rarely have the courage to stand up against the wrong doers and demand justice in a timely manner. All we will ever do is to discuss it over a cup of tea or coffee or write a blog.

Diamonds...................

Today afternoon while doing my regular work at my job I once again glanced at my diamond ring. It did make me smile. Like most of the girls, I also yearned of getting a solitaire diamond ring for my wedding. Vikram went a step ahead and bought me a princess cut ring, which have one big piece similar to that in solitaire in the center and three small pieces on each side of the centerpiece. I fell in love with the ring the moment I saw it. After my feminine zest was satisfied, my inquisitive facet wondered as to what it is in diamond that makes us love it and yearn for it. I am most certainly not someone who is into buying gold ornaments or buying real stones. I prefer buying matching costume jewelry with my dresses and I have a colossal collection of it. Then what is different about diamond? Is it the idea of love and romance that the diamond industry has associated with it? Most certainly, diamond is a stunning stone but there are other gorgeous stones too like Emerald, Sapphire etc. This time during our trip to Jaipur I went to the showroom where they had real Emerald, Sapphire etc stones. I liked them but did not feel that je ne sais quoi which I felt for my diamond ring. I love it;I play with my ring in sunlight and gaze at it at night. For some bizarre reason it makes me believe that perhaps I am this treasured after all for coal to become diamond it needs a very precise temperature, pressure and environmental condition and it takes lot of care and hardwork to get good cut, color and clarity. Then I laugh off this deliberation thinking I am getting too chimerical and it is just not me. Diamond industry has done a splendid job in marketing their product. Maybe it is true that this industry has really been successful in attaching the idea of being in love with owning a diamond. Even after giving it a lot of thought I could not think of any convincing reason as to why I adore diamonds, all I know is that I love diamonds! Ladies enjoy your moment and cherish your diamonds.

My take on marriage.......

I am getting married in less than a month now. I have told this to couple of my colleagues at work, some Indian, and some Americans etc. What I found very fascinating is the remark they made after hearing and that is what stirred me to write this piece.

Most of the Indians after hearing that I am getting married congratulated me and mostly said, "Good! so you are settling in life now.” I must admit I wondered that how could getting married be equivalent to settling but anyways I just chose to smile and not argue back. I think "settle" is a very binding word, marriage is an imperative beginning of an epoch, but even that is just a commencement of a long journey. On the other hand, when Americans heard they also congratulated me and some of them said, "Let me be the wise one to suggest you not to get married.” Both are very paradoxical answers. The suggestion of not getting married is a staggering suggestion and it made me wonder that are Indians too confidant that marriage will last eternally or are Americans too cynical that they are almost certain that there is an expiry date to marriage.

One of the Americans, who suggested me not to get married, his own marriage was in shatters. He was looking for suggestions from us as to where can he meet girls, things like whether he can sell their home in the present market and will he be able to make any profit on their home. His query on making profit on their home left me a slightly bemused as that was their first home where all their kids were born and where they had spend many years together. It made me ruminate whether there can be any “price tag” attached to a place where dreams were fulfilled and new dreams were seen, where they had shared their hopes and aspirations and spent time with each other building a family. Then I also thought that perhaps they might believe that this is the preeminent way to part, bury the abode or maybe they simple wanted to get the cash and move on. I am sure it must be harder than he made it sound but most of them seem somewhat prepared that if you are getting married you will someday get divorced.

A guy who works with me has been married for only a year and is expecting a baby in less than 2 months. He said once, "I hope I don't need marriage counseling this fast." Once I asked him, "If you are so sure to begin with that you will get divorced then why do you get married? You can just choose to live together.” He looked at me and gave me a look as if saying, are you really that naïve to believe that it will last forever. He finally broke his silence and said, "Do you really believe that you can be with the same person for 40yrs? I cannot and since you are getting married I will not scare you but there is nothing like a marriage that lasts forever.” I replied, "Well, my parents have been married for 30yrs now and I have uncle and aunts who are married for more than 40yrs. So yes I do believe that marriage can last forever.”

Nevertheless, I still wondered that is it actually possible to be in love with anybody for 40yrs. I asked my mom that night, "Ma do you love baba.". Ma replied, "What happened is everything fine between you and Vikram?”. She sounded a little surprised, as I have never told ma that we fight which we do but I somehow prefer not to tell anybody when I am mad at him. I repeated, "Ma please reply, do you love baba and nothing has happened between me and Vikram. A colleague of mine today said that a person cannot love another person for 40yrs. I have also read that scientifically it has been proven that one cannot be in love with anybody for that long. So, do you love baba?" My mom replied, "As you grow older meaning of love also transforms. What you now feel is love will no longer be same 10yrs from now and neither will it be same 30yrs from now. Scientifically they measure love by some chemical that is created in your system when you feel love for somebody and when you stop generating that much amount of chemical you are no longer in love. After 20 or 40yrs that person is your comrade and confidant and it's the camaraderie that you get use to. After children are born family becomes central, you both became central, and it was not about your father or me but about you both. Life is not a romantic novel where you have to be frantically in love but a verity where two people care for each other and family more than themselves. When you are looking for reasons to split, you will find thousands of such reason and when you are looking for reasons to stay, you will also find thousands of such reasons. What makes the difference is what you are looking for and this applies to both you and Vikram.” She did not use the words to describe it but yes, she does love my father. They argue, they fight, and they care for each other. Probably the answer lies in the fact that they knew from the start that they will make it work and so were finding ways to adjust and not split.

However, I also think that there is a huge philosophical difference between Westerners and Indians regarding the perception of sanctity of this relationship. For Indians, after children are born they become the central part of parent’s lives and parent’s interests take a backseat. On the other hand for Westerners it is they who remain most important. I am not portentous to imply that they don’t care or love their kids but that they will not compromise their whole life living with a man/woman just so that the child gets both his/her parents. There will be many such families in India where couples are together only because of children and social pressure.

After coming to America and looking at a very different perspective I have lot of times wondered whether we place our parents to a towering plinth and almost presumptuously ignore the human facet in them. How many Indians will you find who actually believe that their parents have as much right to be in love as them? How many Indian men will you find who in reality believe that their mother was competent and if not forced by their father to stay home could have been a successful professional?

In my generation, the number of divorces has exponentially multiplied and it makes me wonder that are we breaking free from the shackles of society where we must live with a man even if he mistreats or just trying to assert our independence by replicating west blindly without considering the consequences? Both my parents are independent and my mother has been a teacher and both have compromised to accommodate each other. Baba use to get us ready in the morning while ma was preparing breakfast since they both had to leave home at the same time. Then why does my generation believe that the only way to assert independence is divorce? My father has been supportive of all my mom’s endeavors and she has always been there supporting my father. Neither of them can complain that the other flourished at the cost of one. I admire both my parents for that and it is because of them that I believe that marriage do lasts forever and at the same time I can also fulfill my dreams if I work hard.

I do not believe that people should stay in marriage because of social pressure when one has an atrocious, obstinate and not understanding husband/wife but it is sad when people decide to split because one snores or some trivial reason like that. A girl should never bow to a man if he wants to cease her dreams and forces her to stay home and disregard her wishes, cook for the moron who wrecked her subsistence and take care of kids. In that case if she is not willing to give up her career and dreams should definitely divorce the guy but I don't think infidelity in marriage is a good reason for divorcing. "I met a guy/girl at work who is just so great. He/She understands me better than my husband/wife.” This is an awful argument for infidelity. I believe that it’s extremely important to think and reflect before making the decision of getting married. Once that decision is made, it is important to make it work or in case of inconsiderate and/or abysmal spouse atleast give it a honest and sincere try.

I recently saw a data that really bothered me. Bangalore leads India with maximum number of divorces 9000+ per year, then Mumbai with 5000+ per year, Delhi 4500+ per year and then 2000-3000+ in Chennai and Kolkata per year. It is heartbreaking when we take such a vital decision so frivolously. I have some very strong opinions about stereotype Indian men who are not willing to recognize that women too have a career and dreams just like them. Nonetheless, marriage is a very sacred institution and in changing times like ours, it becomes even more imperative to weigh on the decision more critically. No person or relationship is perfect and Neverland does not exist in real world. Falling in love is effortless but lot of times the person you may fall in love may not be the person you can see yourself spending your life with and in that case, no matter how excruciating the u-turn is, it is worth the pain in the end. Finding a person you love and can picture yourself sharing your life together is a rare amalgamation and if you find one, get married. If you find somebody you can see yourself spending your life with but don’t think that you are in love, even then it is the right decision to get married. Nevertheless, whatever may be the reason for getting married I do believe that our generation should not take this decision flippantly? We have a responsibility of preserving the excellent aspects of our culture for next generation. Nothing is more comforting and soothing than a believe that no matter how difficult the challenges are they have their family standing rock solid behind them. Our parents made sure we had that believe, it is our responsibility to ensure that our children also have that believe. It is not worth to swap such an excellent, comforting, and stabilizing aspect of our culture for the ever mystifying and nomadic “perfect love” exploration of the west. Probably I will still wonder if it is possible to be in love with the same person for 40yrs but as years go by, I hope I will find my answer.

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.

-Mark Twain

What it means to support Barack Obama?

For the first time in my life, I am so deeply affected by a political race and a political candidate. I have been a fervent supporter of Barack Obama since the primaries. My support for him is not because he is an immigrant’s son or that he has lived in third world or that his skin color is not white; it is the fact that finally there is a leader with vision for a prosperous future. He makes me wonder that maybe this is how Mahatma Gandhi or Martin Luther King inspired so many ordinary people to do extra-ordinary things. For people who talk about his inexperience should read some world history. The greatest leaders in the world did not become great by performing task themselves but by inspiring others to do make big sacrifices and fighting larger than life battles. He has a vision for future and age does not make somebody visionary, either one has it or they do not. Age can only solidify one’s beliefs. India got freedom because of Gandhiji’s capability of inspiring the whole nation to unite together and participate in Non-Cooperation movement. He inspired people to silently take battering from Britishers to propel the message that it’s high time that they leave our country.

Everyday looking at Barack Obama I am inspired to work a little harder and keep pursuing my dreams. I am sure I am not the only one who is so deeply touched by this great man. At times, I feel blessed that I am part of this historic event which will shape the 21st century world history. He is the contemporary politician my generation can relate to. His personnel life struggles are an inspiration for so many of us.

Yes, he did go to Harvard law school but that does not make him an out of touch elite. He is an elite who climbed up the ladder of class through his hard work and determination, nobody gifted it to him on a gold plate. He lived on food stamp at a point in his life, his mother and grand parents have sacrificed so much for him to reach where he is today. So all his critics who claim that he is out of touch elitist know that they are lying. Barack Obama is truly like one of us who made it on his own and that is what is most inspiring to me.

I was awed by his speech on race in March. He is probably the only politician who could address this subject so objectively and eloquently. This speech in history will go down as one of the best speeches. In his speech he was not lamenting about anything neither did he hold anybody nefarious, instead he was uniting people regardless of their differences in history. History has been very putrid to lot of people but disparaging over the past will not take us anywhere. We all need to confluence now and that is the only way we will find an effulgent future. This is the message resonated by Barack Obama. World has been ruled too long by corrupt “Divide and Rule” policy leaders. Now it is time to have a leader who will unite us despite our differences.

Recently when he decided to leave his campaign trail to visit his ailing grandmother, my respect for him augmented. He did not do anything astounding, there can never be anybody more important than one’s parents and sibling, and no job in the world is more important than them. The reason for my reverence for him is due to his priorities in life. If a man, who is so close to winning presidency, can take a risk of leaving campaign for 2days to meet his ailing grandmother then his priorities are in right place. We all have formative figures in our lives and nothing can be more important than them. I can trust a country in such a man’s judgment. With Sarah Palin’s latest $150, 000 dressing spree a very startling comparison was made between Obama, his wife, and her. I saw a picture of Obama on campaign trail with his shoes worn out and it reminded me of my parents. My parents always gave the best to us and never cared about themselves. I am not suggesting that Obama is as altruistic as my parents were to us but he is not a parasite thriving at my money unlike Palin. Again, the question of priorities, what one thinks is more important.

In recent days, watching him in the midst of global economic crisis my conviction for him has only grown. Watching him this election season once again my belief entrenched that no matter how viscous attacks are, how cheap your opponent(s) or critics are only calm and composed mind can win. Anger is a sign of weak person. I do not remember ever any politician influencing me so deeply. When I look at him and read his story, it inspires me and generates hope in me; a hope that with hard work, dedication, discipline, and vision I can also fulfill my dreams. Most importantly, he makes me believe that every dream is worth fighting for and in the dictionary of hardworking and sincere people, the word impossible does not exist. To me believe in the audacity of my dreams and hopes are what it means to support Barack Obama.